Well – here it is … I’m actually going away for about 30 hours to a women’s retreat – it’s the first time I’ve been gone since Joshua came home and I’m having panic attacks about leaving. It’s not that I don’t trust Steve to take good care of him … I know he will be fine … but I’m still nervous about leaving. I’ll only be 2 hours away and a friend is driving so I know I can get back quickly if I need to … but I’m still nervous.
I guess I need to go back a week or so … last Sunday God decided to knock me upside the head and make me confront my anger/temper issues … they go way back to my childhood and I’ve been working through a lot of stuff this week … but at the end of the day Sunday – I was at church for a prayer service and asked a couple of friends if they were going to the women’s retreat this weekend. They said yes and asked if I was going … I gave my standard response of no – I don’t want to leave Joshua and Steve alone … at which point Eliecia asked Steve if he was okay with me going away. To my shock (and horror) Steve said he was fine with me going to the retreat! I was terrified so I jumped to my next excuse that we couldn’t afford it now (we just put in a new air conditioner that was way more than we wanted to spend right now!) and they left it at that … but I was furious with Steve and left very quickly!
As I walked out the door another friend saw me and quickly parked her car and followed me over to where I was standing trying to cool down. She offered some really good advice (thanks Kathy) and then suggested talking to Brandi (the church admin) about whether there were any scholarships available – long story short there weren’t any scholarships available and she would have to ask the council if they could help.
On Monday night at small group, I found out that my last excuse was gone – a friend turned down her scholarship and the money was there now for me to go …
So here I am, getting ready to go … waiting to see what God’s going to do in my life this weekend. I’m still worried about going away, but I recognize that God wants me at that retreat and so I’m going … if you happen to think about it – pray for me and for my guys who are batching it for the next two days!
