Life has been a bit difficult lately. I’m dealing with a lot of mixed up emotions. Steve and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year now and each month is a roller coaster of ups and downs - am I pregnant or not? Then to add to that - I’ve been in a small group that I truly love but lately the discussions have been pretty negative. There are times where I feel like I can’t say something because I’ll get jumped all over. I’m trying to work through that and have met with the leaders, but I guess I still worry about what’s going to happen.
Along with that - a couple of weeks ago - I had a bit of a confrontation with one of the people in the small group and I need to meet with her and figure out how we can repair our relationship - but I’m really scared about a confrontation again. I don’t like being angry and I don’t want to take a chance on losing my temper - I’ve spent years working on controlling my temper and I’m afraid if the conversation turns negative that I’ll say something hurtful or worse. That’s a part of myself that I really don’t like.
To add to all this -I’ve got my substitute teacher’s license and have applied to work in a nearby school district - I’m already volunteering in a school - but I’m terrified to go sub, because I guess I don’t feel ready for it. A teacher friend was talking about tools in her toolbelt to teach from - and I don’t feel like I have any tools handy yet. And with everything else that’s happening, Steve’s dad is having hip replacement surgery next week - and my mom is having medical problems too. I just feel like these are just more things to worry about. I’m always telling Steve to give up his worries to God and I know I need to do the same thing - it just feels like every time I give something up to Him I get hit with another 10 things to worry about.
Posted in Holiday, Learning and Growing
