When I was a kid - I always looked forward to my birthday - since it’s January 9th (yup, tomorrow) I knew we’d be going sledding or ice skating or something fun like that - and all of my friends would be back in town after the holidays. I had a lot of fun - except for my “sweet 16″ when I had chickenpox - got them on my birthday - not a lot of fun there.Now that I’m turning 41 tomorrow - I’m actually not looking forward to my birthday.
41 - wow - when I was a kid - 41 seemed so middle-aged - and I am definitely not middle-aged. So why am I dreading this one? I think it’s because I wanted to be pregnant before I turned 41. This time last year - Steve and I were expecting we’d have a baby by now. With the health problems and other bad timing - we just haven’t gotten pregnant yet. I’m not giving up hope - but there’s kind of a sense of impatience that I’m not pregnant yet. I know there are plenty of women who get pregnant in their fortys now - you know - 40 is the new 30 - or at least that’s what I hear. But I want to be pregnant now!!! I was holding my friend Eliecia’s baby yesterday and just standing there holding her - I could see myself as a mom too. And there’s a part of me that wonders if it’s ever going to happen. I feel like I’m supposed to have kids and I know that when the time is right God will bless us with children - one way or the other.
Steve and I have talked about adoption - a good friend of mine is adopted and she’s an awesome lady! But I guess I’m tired of waiting - I’d love having children right now - and with our church undergoing a baby boom - it’s hard to be standing on the sidelines wondering if I’ll ever be the one holding a new baby in church.Well - I guess that’s where I am today - maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
