Okay, I have to admit - I haven’t always been the greatest sister in the world. I picked on my two younger sisters when I was a teen - I didn’t get along with them at all until I was out of college. Unfortunately by that time, my youngest sister - H was holding a grudge about the way I had treated her. She held that grudge until about 4 years ago when she was pregnant with her first child. I tried repeatedly for years to build a better relationship with her but it wasn’t until she was pregnant that she made an overture to me. Since then I’ve noticed that I’m still the one doing the reaching out - trying to stay in contact - trying to build the relationship. And I’ve finally had enough!
Two days ago, I called my sister to talk to her about Thanksgiving - I wanted to know if they were bringing their dog with them - Bubba is a pitbull/lab mix who’s very protective of her two kids. I have a greyhound who’s totally laid back and I wanted to bring him with us to Thanksgiving. H feels that Bubba will attack my dog, Cairo and so she said I shouldn’t bring him … to make a long story shorter - she didn’t want to do anything that amounted to compromise. So I’m not bringing Cairo.
Then the conversation went to the family picture - she wants us to do white t-shirts and blue jeans - the whole family to do white t-shirts and blue jeans - I think it’s kind of dorky and besides I don’t look good in white. So when I suggested a different color shirt she got huffy and said she had already bought the t-shirts for the kids and didn’t want to go buy more shirts. I realized then that I really didn’t feel free to tell her to stuff it and just deal with it. I also realized that my entire family has been walking on eggshells for years in case H gets mad and doesn’t want to talk to us any longer.
I decided that I’ve had enough. I’ve been co-dependent for a very long time and I’m finally breaking the cycle with my mom - and now I’ve got to do it with my sister too. In some ways it’s kind of funny - I’ve come to realize that I don’t really let my birth family know what I’m really thinking because I’m afraid that they won’t like me anymore … and you know what??? I don’t care anymore. If they don’t like me … it’s because I’m not giving in to their every demand anymore and that feels pretty good to me.
Well, I’ve ranted enough for today.
